When you Don't Know How


“But I don’t know HOW!”  my lovely client exclaimed last week, regarding her weight loss journey.  


She had watched the numbers on the scale go up and down for over five years, and was just plain tired of the cycling.  She wanted a weight and body that she could live in, contentedly, for the rest of her life.


She just didn’t know “how.”


I told her she was lying to herself.  That she did know how.



But as long as she believed the thought “I don’t know how” she was indulging in indecision. Stalling in her commitment to her goals, and not ready to face the tough shit.


How many times have you had the thought “I don’t know how?”


Not just concerning weight loss, but how about a big work project.  Or when you had your first baby. Or when you decided to start training for a triathlon?


As long as you tell yourself you don’t know “how” to do something, you’ll never do it. And you are deluding yourself into believing that the goal is not right for you.


Here’s how I know you’re lying to yourself when you say “I don’t know how”:

  • You can tell me allllll the obstacles that will get in your way of accomplishing your goal.

Some of those obstacles, you can describe in great detail.


There are many reasons why you’ve failed in the past, and many reasons why you THINK will fail again.


So you DO know how.

Rather, you know exactly HOW NOT TO.


And the HOW NOT TO is your plan.  

It is your roadmap to achieving your goal.  The obstacles that come up for you, are actually the STRATEGIES to getting it done.

So the next time you catch yourself thinking “I don’t know how”

here is what to do:


  1. Sit down with a piece of paper and a pen, write your goal at the top of the page.

  2. List every obstacle that you can imagine getting in your way.

  3. Those obstacles are your stepping stones to achieving your goal.  So re-write them as a STRATEGY.

For example, if one of your obstacles to losing weight is "overeating at night":  

Your obstacle (I can’t stop eating at night) becomes a strategy (I am learning to experience the chaos of my family at night, without using food to buffer my emotions).


And your strategy could be to observe, without judgment, your night-time snack routine. What are the trends you observe? Stress, fatigue, a tendency to snack certain foods, etc.


There is no roadmap to accomplishing big things in life.  You gotta make your own roadmap.


And big things are not always easy.

There will always be obstacles.


So why not turn those obstacles into strategies and get to work?


Remember... Discomfort is the currency of growth.

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