Four years ago I hired my husband for a specific job.
But he has done horrible at meeting those job requirements!
So last month, I fired him.
Yes. I actually told him that he was fired.
He was as confused by my declaration as you probably are, reading this personal account.
What job did I fire him from?
The job of making me feel happy.
To be honest, four years ago, I did not even know I was hiring him for this job, “CEO of My Happiness.”
I entered marriage under the popular notion that partners should make each other feel good.
Husbands should do certain things for their wives.
Husbands should NOT do certain things for their wives.
I had written a full job description for him, which included (some in detail) all the things HE must do to make me feel a certain way.
And before you decide this story does not apply to your love life, heed a word of caution, because IT DOES!
YOU also have a job description for your partner. I guarantee it.
Case in point: How many times have you heard yourself say or think,
“My partner should do X,” and feel so convicted in this belief that you think it is a fact?
He SHOULD take out the trash.
He SHOULD not yell at the kids.
He SHOULD’NT leave his socks on the floor, toilet seat up, stay late at work…
You get the picture.
If you find yourself thinking your partner should do something, then you are expecting them to conform to the job description you’ve written for them.
So why do we write these job descriptions for other people?
Because we think their behavior will make us feel a certain way.
^^Read that again, because I want it to sink in. It’s important. ^^^
And here is the moment of truth:
Your partner gets to do (or not do) whatever the hell they want. That’s the beautiful part of being an adult.
And because you are in control of your own brain, you get to choose what thoughts to think about your partner’s behavior.
That thought you choose will generate a feeling. If you choose a thought that generates an uncomfortable feeling, that’s totally fine. Just recognize YOU are generating that feeling (not them), and be willing to accept your reasons for feeling uncomfortable.
When we believe that other people can control our feelings, we are choosing to abdicate responsibility for our emotional health… to them!
Can you just imagine what life would be like if your partner had actual control over your emotional experience? YIKES!
Likewise, as long as we believe another person can control our feelings, we also believe we can control their feelings.
When we believe we can control other people’s feelings, we take actions that attempt to influence their feelings.
This is called MANIPULATION my friends. Don’t do that. It’s yucky.
So lemme ask you…
Do you know what is on the job description you wrote for your partner?
Because if you don’t know, then you will likely start (subconsciously) manipulating them to comply with your requirements.
This doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you human.
Remember, the only reason why we do anything in life, is due to how we think it will make us feel.
I wrote that job description for my husband because I thought that he was responsible for my happiness, and therefore needed to comply with my wishes in order for me to be happy.
So get real with yo’self.
Identify the job description you wrote for your partner, understand WHY you wrote it, and WHAT you actually need instead to gain emotional freedom.
Managing your mind is the only way we grow as humans.
And this is the perfect assignment to help you grow.